Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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