At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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