Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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