You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
