at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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