Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
