Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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