i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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