You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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