am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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