party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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