my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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