the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
