I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
