Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
