Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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