Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
