I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What drink are we having for lunch?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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