I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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