Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
