Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.