My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left