Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
