I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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