Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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