Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
