im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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