does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
