Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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