If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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