I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
