That's intense
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
