You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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