remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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