Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
