I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
