she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize