So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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