If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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