I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
