I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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