He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
