so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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