I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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