Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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