don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
