And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
