So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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