The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize