one might say we're banned from that church
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
