I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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