i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
