I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
