Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
