Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize