She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
