He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
