You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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