woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
