At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
