I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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