so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
