Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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