I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
