Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
