Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP