I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
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I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes