Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now

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(970): I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now http://tfl.nu/72p0

Replies (7) Good night (993) Bad night (1991)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

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(704): I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum. http://tfl.nu/041y

Replies (11) Good night (681) Bad night (2841)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.

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(612): I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin. http://tfl.nu/g2gc

Replies (127) Good night (6030) Bad night (784)
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(757): View more from Virginia

seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with

(703): View more from Virginia

Well said.

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(757): seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with (703): Well said. http://tfl.nu/migv

Replies (19) Good night (3655) Bad night (809)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.

(320): View more from Minnesota

Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.

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(952): He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job. (320): Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud. http://tfl.nu/wke9

Replies (38) Good night (7883) Bad night (917)
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(858): View more from California

He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities

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(858): He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities http://tfl.nu/i2zo

Replies (3) Good night (2934) Bad night (820)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night

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(630): I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night http://tfl.nu/4uc3

Replies (8) Good night (1380) Bad night (749)
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(703): View more from Virginia

you seemed to enjoy falling down hill

(540): View more from Virginia

wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint

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(703): you seemed to enjoy falling down hill (540): wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint http://tfl.nu/kb4o

Replies (4) Good night (1442) Bad night (748)
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(714): View more from California

you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"

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(714): you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle" http://tfl.nu/ec60

Replies (4) Good night (2049) Bad night (678)
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(309): View more from Illinois

He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.

(1-309): View more from Illinois

Again?

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(309): He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass. (1-309): Again? http://tfl.nu/q9t8

Replies (8) Good night (772) Bad night (1420)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out

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(780): Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out http://tfl.nu/hqrh

Replies (10) Good night (501) Bad night (927)
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(616): View more from Michigan

how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?

(1-616): View more from Michigan

i think we need a new approach.

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(616): how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay? (1-616): i think we need a new approach. http://tfl.nu/uyer

Replies (7) Good night (792) Bad night (407)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of

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(306): my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of http://tfl.nu/jepn

Replies (4) Good night (762) Bad night (374)
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(925): View more from California

So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever

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(925): So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever http://tfl.nu/x5gy

Replies (2) Good night (413) Bad night (747)
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(302): View more from Delaware

The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected

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(302): The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected http://tfl.nu/4bsj

Replies (1) Good night (393) Bad night (198)

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