was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*