My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I puked a lego.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.