Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over