Whatcha textin bout Willis?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
where are you?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?