this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.